


we will carve our names

by CamrynBarnes



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Light Angst, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-01
Updated: 2017-01-06
Packaged: 2018-09-13 19:52:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9139816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CamrynBarnes/pseuds/CamrynBarnes
Summary: CaptainHill Secret Santa 2016 for geckoholic.After Siberia, Maria is left to figure out how the Avengers can function when half of them are on the run. And what exactly that might mean for the relationships between them.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [geckoholic](https://archiveofourown.org/users/geckoholic/gifts).



> This story does ignore the post-credit scene from Captain America: Civil War. Italicized scenes are flashbacks.

Maria stared at the phone on her desk, her thoughts grinding to a halt. She could understand why Steve might send Tony a way to keep in touch --- or Natasha, if he could find her. But she couldn't understand why he was sending one to her. A friendship made of a few cups of coffee and a shared jacket at an after party? Stolen moments between searches for Bucky and Avenger missions. She picked the phone up, weighing the consequences of using it. What were the chances that someone was watching her? Or that that theoretical someone would have noticed an unmarked package being delivered to the facility? Could she even say anything to him in the fifteen to thirty seconds they could risk before a trace was complete?

Maria flipped the phone open and pressed one, waiting as speed dial connected her. "Out of everyone I thought would pull an Icarus, you were at the bottom of my list." She said shortly, hearing the call connect. "I told you to call me before you did something stupid."

"So you could stop me?" Steve's voice was thinner over the connection, but the relief Maria felt was enough to take her legs out from under her.

"So I could have run interference with the UN." Maria snapped, irritated with him and with herself. Calling Steve had been a mistake. She shouldn't have done it. It hadn't made anything better, and it had just made her mood worse. "I'll call back when I have another chance."

"Bye, Maria."

Maria hung up before Steve could and dropped the phone on her desk, opening the top drawer of her desk and pushing the phone into it. Better to avoid the temptation to keep reaching out. Steve had pretty effectively burned every bridge he had when he'd left Siberia. She wasn't sure that she wanted to give him a lifeline. And until she was sure, there were other things that needed to be done.

"Adam, I'm out of the office for the rest of the day," she said, pressing the intercom. "Reroute any calls that come in to my cell phone if they're from Ms. Potts or Mr. Stark. Otherwise, I'm unavailable."

\---

_"Do me a favour and try not to get killed when you go after this robot overlord." Maria announced herself, stepping into Steve's apartment. She smiled wryly at him, his leather jacket slung over her arm.  
"Maria." Steve looked up as she came into the living room, putting his gear to one side and gesturing for her to sit down with him. "We'll do our best. I think Tony would take it as a personal insult if something he made was the reason he died."_

_"Good. Almost killing Captain America once is more than enough for my record." Maria straightened up and held his jacket out, offering it back to him. "Thank you for this."_

_"My pleasure. It looked better on you than it does on me." His grin softened into something a little more sincere. "How are your feet?"_

_"I feel like John McClane. It's nothing time and a few bandaids won't fix. Dr. Cho offered me the cradle, but." The twist of her mouth was more than enough to show how much Maria disliked that option. "I'll wait unless that becomes absolutely necessary."_

_"Maybe you can work from your desk an hour longer than normal," Steve bargained, looking at her fondly. "Instead of overseeing everything personally."_

_"Maybe. We'll see how you all manage out there." Maria raised an eyebrow at him. "You should hurry up, or you'll be late for your own mission."_

\---

Natasha was skulking in the corner of the parking lot when Maria finally drove into the rundown diner, coming to a stop in front of her. Maria rolled down the passenger window, leaning over and grinning faintly at her. "Did someone call for a ride?"

"About time. I've been here since breakfast started," Natasha said, sliding into the backseat, leaning forward between the seats. "Hello, May."

"Romanoff." Melinda nodded at her and turned back to the file she was reading, ignoring both of them.

"Maria, you brought backup? I'm offended. You could have taken me if I was really dangerous." Natasha grinned, sitting back and smirking at her in the rear view mirror. "You're an excellent fighter."

"Yes I am, and no, I couldn't have." Maria laughed and headed back into traffic, merging with the slow afternoon traffic. "But Melinda can, so I asked her to tag along."

"I wanted to get out of the office," Melinda agreed dryly, closing the folder and stowing it in the glove box. "That's the only reason I'm here."

"And I'm sorry we're late, but it took awhile to find a car without GPS in it," Maria added, flicking her turn signal on and heading right. "You hungry? We can hit a drive-thru on the way."

"I assume we're not headed back to Stark's." Natasha pulled her feet up under her and leaned back against the chair, watching the two of them through the mirror.

"Not unless you want to join the rest of them on the Raft, and personally, I'm not about to let the other half of my best team get locked up." Maria's mouth tightened and she focused on the traffic, trying not think about the fact that the rest of the Avengers were currently locked up in the Raft.

"So then where are we going, Maria?"

Natasha's voice was only mildly curious, which Maria knew meant she was dying to figure it out. It wasn't very often that Maria managed to surprise her; the last time that she'd pulled off a successful lie was when Fury had been attacked.

"One of the big guy's safe houses. He gave it to SHIELD, we use it for people we can't let the government find." May cut in, handing Natasha a duffel bag.

"The last time you used it, May, they came for your team member." Natasha said without rebuke. "They know it's there now."

"Which is why they won't consider that we're using it again. Go where your enemies have already looked for you." Maria said firmly. "Now, who wants take out before we get on the highway?"

"I could go for a milkshake." Natasha smiled. "And french fries."

\---

_Maria stretched in the luxurious sheets, cracking an eye open when she smelt coffee. "I see what you mean about the perks of living in the Tower," she told Steve, her voice creaking a little with sleep. "These are the softest sheets I've ever been in. And I've slept in your bed."_

_"I wanted sheets that didn't cost five hundred dollars," Steve teased her, handing Maria a cup of coffee once she was sitting up._

_"After last night, I'm okay with very expensive sheets," Maria decided, wiggling her toes. She took a long sip of her coffee and looked Steve over, brushing her hair behind her ear. "And the guy who ended up in them."_

_"Thanks, I think." Steve grinned, tipping his own coffee at her. He laughed when she tried to lean over him to get at her phone, rescuing her mug when it threatened to tip over and handing the phone to her._

_"Still early," Maria said, checking the time on her phone. "Which means I have forty five minutes before anyone will call me." She flipped through to her SI login, checking that all the reports she'd asked for had been handed in the night before. One was outstanding, and Maria sent a message to her scientist, warning them she'd be coming for it as soon as they got to work._

_"You start work at nine and it's barely six." Steve reminded her._

_"Right. If I make it to work less than two hours early, it's a very quiet day in my world." Maria laughed, checking her email and watching him over the top of her phone. Steve Rogers was a very nice man to look at, especially when he wasn't wearing a shirt. He caught her looking and raised an eyebrow, smirking at her like he knew exactly what she was thinking. He probably did -- she wasn't trying to be coy._

_"Did you have the same schedule at SHIELD?"_

_"Oh, it was worse there." Maria put her phone aside and shifted closer, taking his coffee cup away from him and putting it on the bedside table as well. "Half the time I was there by five after leaving at one."_

_"Fury didn't do anything about it?" Steve pulled her closer and kissed Maria, his hands sliding around her waist._

_"I'm still not sure he can't sleep with his eye open." Maria hummed, grinning when Steve looked like he was seriously considering that thought. "He was there just as much as I was, Steve. We had a whole organisation but we still had to be on top of everything so we could protect our agents."_

_Steve smiled briefly, kissing his way down her neck and along her collarbone. Maria shivered, letting her eyes fluttered closed as he touched her. "I'm always glad you're the one to have my back, Maria."_

_"Hmm. It's considerably easier when you don't throw yourself out of airplanes, I must say." Maria teased him, sliding her fingers through his hair and tugging gently._

_"I don't throw myself out of planes very often." Steve argued, looking innocently up at her._

_"But you've done it more than once. And once really should have been enough." Maria rolled her eyes at his blatant lie, the corners of her eyes crinkling up in amusement. "When are people going to start looking for you?"_

_"I'm running with Sam at seven."_

_"Then we have time for a shower." Maria wriggled out of Steve's grasp and moved towards the bathroom, swaying her hips. "Hop to it, Captain."_

\---

"Boss?" Maria stopped in Tony's doorway, knocking against the doorframe. "You have a second?"

"I don't know, do I? Am I even still your boss?" Tony scrubbed his hands over his eyes, sitting up from where he'd been working on a gauntlet. Maria thought he looked exhausted, but she swallowed the urge to say anything. She wasn't his keeper.

"Making the suits again, I see." Maria stepped forward and picked her way through the office turned workshop delicately, avoiding stepping on anything small or worth thousands of dollars, finally coming to a stop beside his desk. "I saw the Colonel on my way in. He's looking well. Seems to be in high spirits."

"Research is going slower than I'd like, but at least there's some progress." Tony's mouth was tight. "And I'm not working on the suits again, I'm working on something else. What's that in your hand?"

"Resignation letter." Maria cleared a chair off, gathering up the bits of circuitry and plans strewn across it. She placed them carefully on the floor and sat down in the chair, meeting his gaze steadily. "You are still my boss and I'd like to stay, but I'm not sure you'll want me to after you hear what I have to say."

"You think Rogers is right, don't you?"

"No, I think you are." Maria rolled her eyes. "Stop making this about your erstwhile co-team lead." She took a deep breath, placing a folder on Tony's desk and waiting until he opened it to start speaking.. "During the Battle of Manhattan, Phil Coulson died. Fury had been working on a secret project called TAHITI, meant to be used only in the case of any Avenger falling during battle. He had the medical team preserve Coulson's body and they fought to resuscitate him as soon as the battle was over. Over the next few months there were a series of surgeries. Using alien tech and DNA, Fury was able to bring Phil back to life. Unfortunately, early tests had shown that every person who underwent this surgery died or needed to have their memories wiped. That's why the program was scrapped in the first place. So the decision was made to keep his resurrection a secret until we knew whether or not the same would happen to him. No one wanted to risk you having to mourn him again." She hadn't disagreed at the time, and Maria knew that she wouldn't have changed what they did, even knowing what it had cost the agency and Phil. "He was touch and go for almost a year after that. And then HYDRA was exposed, and we kept him a secret because we needed an ace in the hole. He's been the Director of SHIELD since Fury went underground, and he was the contact that tracked the scepter down last year."

Tony was silent for a long moment, his hands stilling against the desk and dropping the folder on the table. Maria could see the photos from when Phil was stabbed, and she didn't blame Tony for stopping. It was probably similar to what he'd seen in his own chest in that cave in Afghanistan. "You think Fury would have promoted you after the way you snowed Romanoff and Rogers when he was 'dying'." Tony even made the air quotes before crossing his arms and staring at her. "Why didn't he?"

"I just thought that you deserved the truth after Siberia." Maria said, standing up. She ignored the question, because there was no easy way to explain why she didn't have that job, and why she was generally pretty happy not being Director. And she wasn't up for the hours long debate that would span from trying to explain that to Tony. "What you do with the information that I just gave you is up to you, but I'd really prefer that you didn't put it out on the internet."

Maria turned and started picking her way back through the office, already making plans for what she'd need to pack her office up and just what she'd tell Pepper.

"Do you know where Rogers and the others are? I got a very interesting call from Ross. Apparently there was a breakout at the Raft. Everyone's gone." Tony asked her suddenly, just as she reached the door. Maria turned back around, watching as Tony turned a phone over and over in his hands. Maria recognised it as the same kind Steve had sent her, which certainly explained why he was watching it so intently. He was treating it like a bomb.

"Nothing concrete. But I have an idea." She admitted. Maria did her best not to react to the news about the Raft. It was bad form to be glad people had broken out of one of the prisons her agency had helped to build. Of course, it had never been intended for the Avengers. "I've read all the reports from the UN and Siberia, and I noticed a few things."

"How sure of your idea are you?"

"Ninety percent."

"And where are we going?" Tony pressed, finally looking up at her.

"Wakanda." Maria said simply, looking back.

"That's... brilliant, actually. Who would look for them there?" Tony stood up abruptly. "And I've been looking for a reason to get rid of this." He waved at the shield, still leaning against the wall of his workshop. "Good. I'll get the jet ready."

\---

_"Steve." Maria picked up the phone immediately. She checked the calendar and frowned, becoming concerned when she saw that all of the Avengers were supposed to be talking with Tony about the Sokovia Accords. "Aren't you in a meeting?"_

_"I just got the call about Peggy." Steve said, his voice quiet and controlled._

_"Oh no." Maria knew that there was only one call he could have gotten, and she could hear the quiet devastation in his voice. "What do you need?"_

_"A plane. Sam and I need to get there as soon as possible." Steve paused. "The funeral is tomorrow and she wanted me to be a pallbearer."_

_"Head for the private hangar, I'll have one of Tony's planes ready." Maria promised, already sending an email. "Pack first, don't forget a suit."_

_"I know how to pack, Maria." Steve said, his voice lighter for a moment. Maria felt a little better, knowing that she'd managed to cheer him up, even if it was only for a second._

_"Just trying to streamline things." She said softly. "Fly safe, Steve."_

_"I will. Thank you, Maria."_

\---

Maria had a feeling that T'Challa knew why they were really coming and was just waiting to ask until they were somewhere he was sure they couldn't be eavesdropped on. She waited until the official welcome was done, exchanging a look with Tony when the King waved them back after the bureaucrats and press had left. "Your Majesty," she murmured, bowing her head.

"It is not just returning the vibranium or scientific knowledge that brings you here -- unlike your father, you have not tried to make contact with our kingdom before now," T'Challa told them, his gaze flickering between the two of them. "And it is not just our shared experience in the fight against the Accords."

"Technically the fight was for the Accords and against Cap," Tony interjected, rolling his eyes at Maria when she shot him a look. Splitting hairs with a king wasn't the best way to get on his good side, but then again, Tony already knew that. He'd rubbed elbows with the most influential people in the world since he was eight. He was just being a dick because he could.

"You are looking for your comrades," T'Challa continued, ignoring the interruption. "You will not find them here."

"We're willing to let them find us," Maria replied, standing taller. She met his poker face with one of her own, her hands clasped behind her back. "And we would never explore anywhere that was forbidden by your majesty."

"But you would notice anywhere that was forbidden," he mused, considering the very careful wording she'd used. "Very well. I hope you have some luck with our science division, Mr. Stark. Miss..."

"Hill," Maria supplied, smiling faintly. T'Challa might not have given them carte blanche to poke around the palace, but he seemed amused with them. It was probably the best they could hope for to start.

"Miss Hill. I hope you'll both join us for dinner." T'Challa inclined his head. "I must attend to another matter, but if you need anything, anyone in the palace can find me for you."

"Your Majesty," Maria murmured, echoing Tony. She looked over at him, waiting until T'Challa was no longer within earshot. "They're here."

"They're absolutely here." Tony agreed. "Well, if there's nothing else you need me for, I'm off to play in his Majesty's sandbox until we're summoned for dinner."

"You don't want to go find them right now?" Maria needled, wanting to know what Tony was thinking about the whole trip.

"Tried that. Didn't work." Tony's grin was sharp and mean. She didn't think he'd have gotten over Siberia so soon. Hopefully it didn't compromise their attempt to reach the rest of the team. "We're the olive branch. We came to them. If they choose not to pick it up, that's not our fault. Or our problem. So I'm off to play with science."

"They're probably listening," Maria added, raising an eyebrow.

"If they aren't, they're getting old." Tony turned on his heel and headed away from her. "Dinner's at seven and standing a king up is bad manners, so only one of us should do that!"

Maria's eyes flicked up to the cameras in the corner and she hummed thoughtfully, heading for her room. She was impressed Tony had picked up on them, although she hadn't been expecting any less. The man had grown up under scrutiny --- he had a sixth sense about knowing when he was being spied on. She was pretty sure that was the reason he'd cottoned onto Natasha at all. The trip back to her room was uneventful, and Maria barely blinked when she walked into her room and Bucky Barnes was sitting on her couch. Lounging, more like, she decided, with a distinctly dangerous vibe, as though he'd be just as happy to throw a knife between her ribs as relax. "Should I offer you a drink, or have you already helped yourself?" Maria asked, heading for the kitchen.

"He said you wouldn't be surprised."

"He should be the one that's here, not the fugitive wanted by every country in the world." Maria raised an eyebrow at her fridge, pulling out a carton of fruit juice. "How can you be sure I won't just arrest you here and fly you out before he can get here?"

"He trusts you."

Maria snorted quietly and poured the juice into a cup, leaning back against the counter and facing Bucky. Like this, he didn't look so dangerous -- just a bored college kid leaning over some furniture. The life he should have had, probably. If he hadn't been born in time for the war, if he hadn't been captured when he fell off the train. If Steve hadn't crashed his plane. "No he doesn't." He would have talked to her about the accords if he had, at least warned her that he was going to do something stupid. "And if he does, he shouldn't."

"But you're not arresting me." Bucky's voice was innocent and mocking all the same time. "Seems to me he got at least some of that right."

"I haven't made up my mind." Maria looked steadily at him. "I wouldn't advise pushing me, either."

"Haven't put my hands on you," Bucky agreed, his voice light. "Just looking for somewhere I can stay for awhile."

"I carry a gun." Maria warned him, putting her cup in the sink and heading towards her bedroom. "And I have work to do. If you're smart, you'll be gone by the time I'm done." She closed the door behind her with a sharp click, not waiting to hear what else he might say.

Turning your back on the enemy was dangerous, Maria knew that, but the trust she had in Steve and the way Bucky was acting made her think that he really had beaten the brainwashing. Or at least not succumbed to it with her.

She still left her gun on her desk as she worked on the forms she'd brought from New York. Maria might be a lot of things, but she wasn't dumb enough to blindly trust a former assassin not to kill her.

\---

_"Are you headed to the funeral?" Maria asked, pressing her phone to her ear using her shoulder as she sorted through the folders on her lap, looking for the one on the Accords._

_"Of course. Are you?" Natasha asked, her voice tinny over the phone._

_"I can't leave. Too many irons in the fire." Maria made a triumphant noise as she found the folder she was looking for. "I wish I could though --- Peggy was a legend. She made everything we did possible."_

_"I'll pass your condolences along to Sharon." Natasha offered quietly._

_"Thank you, Natasha. I sent flowers too, but -- oh, hell." She marked off a few passages and sent an email to Pepper, frowning. That didn't look good. "Sorry. Work. Juggling twenty different things, as usual. At least I still have a desk to drop everything on." Maria sighed, letting her head droop forward, her forehead resting on top of the folders. There was no one around to see her, after all._

_"Anyone else I should pass your condolences on to?" Natasha asked. Maria could hear the sly smile in her voice._

_"Natasha," Maria warned. "...If you see him. Try to make sure he's not alone. That's the last thing he needs right now, on top of everything else."_

_"So you_ do _know about the Accords."_

_"Pepper and Tony and I have been fighting them since we heard about them. The Stark lawyers are tenacious."_

_"We need tenacious. And not the bull headed tenacity Rogers is showing right now."_

_"I'm working on it. It's just taking a little time." Maria rubbed at her forehead. "Don't do anything stupid just yet, all right?" She pleaded. "And look out for Steve while you're in England."_

_"You should call him yourself."_

_"He's already in the air, he doesn't have his phone on."_

_"Speaking of Pepper, we haven't seen Miss Potts around her in awhile." Natasha hummed, changing the subject. Maria gratefully took the out, although she knew that wasn't going to distract Natasha indefinitely._

_"She and Tony are taking some time off."_

_"That sounds complicated."_

_"It is. They both constantly and elaborately arrange their schedules to miss each other. I work for both of them. It's exhausting."_

_"Could be worse."_

_"This just proves that sometimes loving a person isn't enough to make a relationship work." Maria sighed ruefully, brushing her hair behind her ear._

_"At least they tried, Maria." Natasha's voice was quiet. "It's always better to try."_

_And there it was. Natasha was really determined to press that advantage she had on Maria. "I don't even have time to go home most days. I can't ask someone to try and have a relationship with that. It wouldn't be fair to them."_

_"It's more fair than making the decision for them." Natasha said, hanging up on her._

\---

Maria touched base with Pepper, checking in on the status of everything they were working on and letting Pepper extract a promise from her to come to Malibu so they could talk in person. She had a feeling there would be quite a lot of drinks involved, and Maria was looking forward to it. Talking with Pepper always made her feel better, even if they couldn't solve all their problems in the time it took to drink a bottle of red. The actual projects that SI was working on, like the virtual reality, were going well, which was a relief. When the company was doing well, they could afford to take more risks, both in what they made and who they challenged. And considering they were about to take on the UN and the Accords, they needed as much goodwill as they could manufacture. The lawyers had some good news, but not nearly enough for Maria to feel confident. "Coffee," she decided, sitting up straighter and running a hand through her hair. Maria padded out of her room and towards the kitchen, pausing in the doorway when she saw a figure standing in the dimly lit room. "I need to talk to King T'Challa if two internationally wanted fugitives have found their way into my room on a secure compound."

"Maria." Steve smiled at her as he turned around, a cup already in his hands. "Hi."

"Last I checked, there was a one armed former assassin guarding me. When did you get here?" Maria ignored the traitorous trip of her own heart, pulling down a mug and filling it. Black coffee was a necessity if she was going to have to think circles around Steve, so Maria skipped the cream and sugar. "That reminds me, I need to talk to Barnes about coming into my apartment without asking." Her eyes narrowed. "Breaking into a girl's room is not the best way to get her attention."

"He said you were ignoring him and I might have better luck." Maria considered him, taking in the apologetic frown Steve was directing at the ground. He hadn't done more than make coffee, and although preparing to wait for her all night was a bit dramatic, Steve wasn't actually demanding anything from her.

"You're forgiven. For now. You didn't want to wait for dinner?"

"I was pretty sure you'd have found a way to avoid me. Especially since fugitives shouldn't really make appearances at state dinners."

Damn. He had a point. That's exactly what Maria would have done.

"Excuse me for trying to avoid being seen with terrorists."

"Maria, we're not---"

"But that's how everyone in the American government is painting you, which means the media is falling in line, which means people are worried." Maria interrupted him. "I know what the truth is, Steve. But Tony and I have to walk a very thin line right now."

"The other Avengers can help."

"Rhodes and Vision are out of commission and Spider-Man is too young to help." Maria said firmly. "Natasha is in hiding and T'Challa has a country to rule. There are no other Avengers right now. It's me and it's him and that's it. And both of us are running low on favours."

"I didn't mean for any of this to happen, Maria."

"I know you didn't, Steve. That doesn't mean that it didn't happen, or that the apology fixes anything." Maria took a breath, draining half of her coffee in one go. "It doesn't make the fact that you did all of this, without thinking what the consequences would be for the rest of us, better. I'm not saying it was wrong." She added, watching him. "Had a friend of mine been in Bucky's position, I might have done the same in your shoes. But I called you. I said don't do anything rash. Talk to me. Sign the Accords."

"I couldn't sign those. I still can't, Maria. You know that I can't."

"Of course I know. You destroyed an airport to prove it." Maria put her cup down, bracing her hands on the counter. "Stark's lawyers and I were working on it. But it offered protections. For Wanda. For Bucky. Because you would have been held to them. Because the government wouldn't have been able to torture someone the whole world knew existed. Look what happened to her, Steve. That collar was a monstrosity. And Bucky --- at least he could have had treatment. T'Challa said something that makes me think he's thinking of going back into cyro. That can't be healthy for anyone, let alone him."

"It's his choice. He hasn't been allowed to make many of them for the last seventy years. I'm not about to take that away from him." Steve argued, the corners of his mouth pinched.

"No matter how much it hurts you."

"He's my best friend."  
"And you love him, or you wouldn't have done all this for him. I can understand that."

"But you don't like it." Steve's voice was flat, lacking any inflection or hint of what he was thinking. Luckily for Maria, his face had always been more expressive.

"Would you, in my position? I watched a man that might not even exist anymore compromise you."

"You saw him. He exists."

"Not like that." Maria snorted. "How much of your friend still exists after everything he's been through? HYDRA dug through his brain and scrambled it like Sunday morning breakfast. The Bucky you remember from 1945 might not be a real person these days, just patchwork memories stitched together by Captain America. Can you survive that, Steve?"

"How long are you staying?" Steve asked, leaning back against the counter and changing the subject.

"Well, we had to make it look official. Popping in for a few hours would have made everyone looking for you suspicious." Maria said, curling her hands around the cup of coffee in her grip. "Diplomacy, Stark's tendency for science... We put a week on the books. If he gets bored we could leave early, but apparently there's a lot to see around here." She debated telling Steve they'd brought the shield, but since she wasn't sure what T'Challa's plans for it were, Maria kept it to herself. "Part of that was because we weren't sure how long it would take you to approach us, if you were here."

Steve opened his mouth and hesitated, his eyebrows drawing down in confusion. "You came out here without knowing for sure?"

"I was ninety percent sure." Maria paused, an uncomfortable thought occurring to her. Tony had ranted that Steve included a note offering help whenever he needed it, but there had been nothing like that with her own phone. She'd been taking a chance when she called that it even was from Steve. "That's why you sent me a phone? So I'd trace you?" Not because they were friends. Or because he'd missed her. But because it was a good way to be found if Tony didn't reach out first. That hurt, the thought that he believed she'd betray him and find a way to trace an untraceable phone.

"It wasn't the only reason," Steve hastened to reassure her. "I did want to talk to you."

"About work, right?" Maria could see it now. If she hadn't tracked them down and tried to bring them back, she could have fed them information for missions. Steve could have had his very own Avengers team.

"Maria." Steve frowned, and she could tell that she'd lost him somewhere, that he hadn't been able to follow her train of thought.

"So either you believed I cared so little about you that I'd track you down to hold you accountable, or I cared so much I'd break the law and help you." Maria clarified for him, standing up quickly. "Well, here's a third option for you. I'm going to my state dinner. We're done with this conversation."

She was feeling calmer, if not happier, by the time they finished dinner and she was heading back to her room. She was looking forward to curling up on her bed and checking her Netflix account. Maybe she'd be able to make a dent on catching up on tv shows while she tried to get through another folder of things that needed to be done by yesterday. Maria pushed her apartment door open and felt her good mood evaporate as the light drifted in, illuminating Bucky Barnes sprawled across her couch. And the Winter Soldier snored.

"Up!" She snapped, striding to the couch and grabbing a pillow, whacking it across his feet. "Go sleep in your own room, Barnes. This one is already occupied."

Bucky grabbed the pillow without opening his eyes, holding it to his chest. "My room has a grumpy idiot pacing around. This one is quieter. Or it was until you hollered at me."

"Sorry you and Barton are on the outs, but you should suck it up and get out." Maria said dryly, nudging the couch with her foot.

"What'd you say to Steve?" Bucky asked instead of moving. "You hurt his feelings."

"He hurt everybody else's first, so maybe he deserved it." Maria raised an eyebrow.

"Ah." Bucky said it like it was a revelation. He blinked at her, sitting up smoothly. "The romance soured."

"You sound like a housewife from those old television commercials. There was no romance." Maria crossed her arms and stared at him. "Are you leaving yet?"

"Talk to Steve. He misses you." Bucky thrust the pillow back into her arms, stepping around her and heading for the door.

\---

_"We keep missing each other." Maria smiled thinly as Steve's answering machine kicked in. "I hope the flight was uneventful. The pilot's going to stay as long as you need him, so don't worry about needing to book return tickets. I am sorry I couldn't make it. You know how this work goes --- no time to yourself, even when someone... Well. Anyway. You've got a good friend in Sam, don't forget that. And don't be afraid to call if you need anything. I'll buy you a coffee when you get back." She paused, twisting a pen between her fingers as she debated whether she wanted to say more. "Peggy would be proud of you, Steve. She always has been."_


	2. Chapter 2

_"Commander Hill."_

_"Captain Rogers." Maria inclined her head, the corner of her lips turning up in a smile. "What can I help you with?" He'd come back from his motorcycle tour of the country a  month ago, and after getting settled into an apartment in D.C., he'd started dropping in to see her when he was at the Triskelion. Maria found she liked having a friend that wasn't someone under her command; it meant that Rogers came around to visit just because he wanted to, and not because he wanted a favour from her._

_"I was hoping that I could get some restaurant suggestions from you."_

_"I thought Agent Romanov was showing you around the city." Maria raised an eyebrow at him. "She's more familiar with just about every restaurant than I am."_

_"Be as that may." Rogers smiled sheepishly at her, one shoulder dipping up in a minute shrug. "Natasha's recommendations tend to come with, ah, a built in dinner date."_

_"And you just want to go somewhere and eat dinner and not have a blind date sprung on you." Though considering Natasha's tales of his reluctance to go out, that was probably the only way to get him on a date. "Sure. I'll keep the fancy places and anyplace senators are likely to go off the list?" She suggested, already composing a list in her head._

_"That would be appreciated," Rogers agreed, sitting down across from her as she started writing. Maria stuck mostly with diners and mid-level restaurants; she was pretty sure anything too fancy would send him running for the hills, and there was water cooler gossip that he was still outraged by inflation. Anything too expensive was off the list, too. "These should get you started. I've been to most of them --- you won't get food poisoning. The rest were suggestions from Agent Sitwell, and there's no one who knows more about good food than him."_

_"Thanks." Rogers' relief was evident, and he stood quickly, folding the paper and tucking it in his pocket. Maria didn't dare let her gaze drift. "Will I see you there?"_

_"Excuse me?" Maria blinked._

_"You said you've eaten at some. Any chance I'll see you there?"_

_Ah, that made more sense. "Only if you eat after nine at night," she offered. "But --- when you go to Debbie's, tell her I sent you. She'll give you a free slice of pie the first time."_

_"Thanks for the tip." He paused. "Research shows eating late at night is actually bad for your health."_

_The non-sequitur startled a grin out of her. "You really should start with the pop culture. Science will eventually bum you out. Although I'm sure you were pretty excited about the smallpox and measles vaccines."_

_"Yeah, they're great." He grinned back at her. "I'll take that under advisement. Apparently I also have to listen to jazz."_

_"Better than country. Some of those songs will make you miss the war."_

_Rogers_ _' phone buzzed. "Natasha. We're headed out."_

_"Good luck. Let me know how your search for the best restaurant in town goes."_

* * *

She didn't get optimistic when Bucky told her Steve was missing her. The cynical, pessimistic side of her personality was more than happy to speculate he just wanted her help to get them all out of trouble, that any feelings were strictly related to coworkers. Maybe friends. The small, optimistic side of her said that he really did miss her. Pessimism won out when it reminded her Steve had kissed another woman. Another Carter. It made sense that the only woman who could hold a candle to Peggy Carter was Sharon. She was just like her. It would be hard to miss someone like Maria when he had someone like Sharon willing to defy half the civilised world for him. God knew Maria hadn't been willing to do that.

Curiosity and the sudden desire to leave won out. As beautiful as Wakanda was, Maria was ready to leave the rest of it in her dust. If Bucky wanted her to talk to Steve, she'd talk to Steve. They could try and hash some sort of arrangement out so that this half of the Avengers could come back to the States before they died of old age.

She could feel Tony's eyes on her throughout most of breakfast, and she wasn't surprised when he shifted his chair closer, speaking in an exaggerated whisper. "So, did your boyfriend make an appearance last night?"

"My what?" Maria met his gaze steadily, not reacting to his accusation.

"Steve Rogers. Did Cap come see you yet?" He waggled his eyebrows at her.

"Steve Rogers is not my boyfriend." Maria said calmly, her knife slicing through her fruit.

"Did you make him your booty call?" Tony's voice was suddenly interested. "That's fascinating."

"Why do you think that any of that would be remotely true?" Maria asked, taking a sip of her coffee and trying to ignore him.

"The Tower records entrances to apartments." Tony shrugged nonchalantly, and Maria had to swallow the sudden urge to strangle him. Was it impossible for him to keep his nose out of other people's business? "Cap was at your place a lot. You visited him too, before you moved in. And at hours most people don't normally visit."

"That's none of your business." Maria replied softly, her voice sharp. She didn't want anyone overhearing this conversation.

"Of course it's not. That's why it's so interesting." Tony sobered, lowering his voice and growing serious. It was rare enough that Tony let himself look serious that Maria paid attention to what he was saying. "Pepper warned me that asking about my employees' sex lives was grounds for a lawsuit, but if you want me to talk to them so you don't have to, I will."

"The last time you talked, you destroyed a building. I think T'Challa might have something to say about you destroying his palace." She mustered a smile. "Thank you, Mr. Stark, but I'll be fine."

"If you change your mind, just let me know." Tony saluted her with his coffee. "I'll make your excuses to his majesty today."

"I have a feeling he'll know what I'm doing. But thank you." Maria shook her head wryly. "You're a good boss. But the next time you ask me about my sex life, I'm shooting you."

* * *

_Steve kissed his way down her spine and Maria hummed, putting her tablet down. She sighed when he kissed over a sensitive spot, looking over her shoulder at him. "I've got thirty minutes before I'm done this and then we can move on to doing whatever it is you're thinking of," she said, grinning._

_"I was thinking we could go to dinner." Steve murmured, his hand drifting over her hip._

_"I've got plenty of leftovers in the fridge," Maria replied, trying not to tense up at the suggestion. Going out with Steve was --- well. There was no going back from that. “And we can order anything we want to the Tower, if none of that looks good.”_

_“I didn’t realize you were so adverse to wearing clothes,” Steve murmured, his voice cautious. “If you told Tony, I bet he’d loosen up the dress code.”_

_Maria snorted, shaking her head. “It's more of an aversion to you wearing clothes. If I told Stark that, he’d start an Avengers burlesque calendar and sell it for charity,” she hummed, relaxing infinitesimally when Steve didn’t seem interested in pushing it. Steve could tell she was hesitant to be seen in public with him, and Maria knew he could tell, but so far he hadn’t pushed her when she said no. He wasn’t great at hiding his disappointment, but he didn’t let it ruin their time together either. She’d already refused three dinner invites; Maria figured she had, at most, five more chances before she had to decide one way or the other._

_Being with Steve didn’t just mean being with Steve. It meant being with Captain America and always being in the spotlight. Before the fall of SHIELD, that would have meant the end of any chance for Maria to have a career in the field. Once your face was plastered over the tabloids and people asked you for talk show interviews, it was impossible to go undercover. After, it meant that Steve would be with the woman who shot him out of the sky and 'let' HYDRA fester within SHIELD for years. (Let was a relative term, and Maria had no problem unleashing her disdain on the same politicians that had put Pierce in power when they asked her why she hadn't been able to see that something was wrong.)_

_Maria knew that Steve wouldn’t care about her pressing the button --- if her following orders was a problem, they wouldn’t be in bed together right now. But the public was never forgiving. If they went out, that was it. There would be no quiet for either of them. At least this way, in their apartments and in a bubble away from the world, when it fell apart they wouldn't have to deal with strangers speculating on their relationship._

* * *

"Good. You came back. I wasn't sure how to track you down in this palace," Maria called, striding down the hall to where Steve was waiting by the door to her guest quaters. She let herself and Steve into her rooms, bypassing the living room and heading for the kitchen. "You still drink coffee, right?" She asked. "Cream, sugar?"

"Ah, yeah." Steve blinked at her, sinking down on one of the stools. "I wasn't expecting it to be so easy to talk to you again."

And that was part of the reason Maria had reacted the way she had. Keep your opponent off balance and you kept the upper hand. "Bucky made a good point last night. If we actually talk, we might get something figured out. Arguing won't get us anywhere."

"Arguing used to get us somewhere," Steve said, his voice quiet as he stared at her.

"It was more sparring than arguing," Maria countered, fighting back a blush at the memories. They'd had to stop training together when other people were in the gym. She didn't regret it, though. Hard to regret anything when pinning Steve to the mat had led to a hell of a lot more than just winning a match. "We need to talk about the others, and how they might be able to get home, if they want to go." Maria said firmly. "I doubt Wanda wants to right now, though I don't blame her. But Lang and Barton have people waiting for them Stateside." Sam did too, but as he’d told Fury; he did what Steve did, only slower. She wasn’t expecting him to sign up for a chance to go back after the Army had locked him up.

"Cassie and Natasha." Steve nodded. "How are they?"

"Lang's ex-wife is pissed, and Cassie is young; she's mostly confused that her dad had to leave again so soon." Maria was glad to see that even being on the run hadn't stopped Steve from caring about this people he worked with. "Natasha's safe."

"I guess that's about all I'll get from you about her, isn't it?" Steve asked ruefully, shaking his head. "You always were good at protecting your own. Have you heard from Sharon?"

"That used to be you too," Maria replied, taking a deep breath. He still could be one of hers, if he was willing to listen to her. "She's with Dernier. The Commandos are willing and ready to give her shelter for as long as she needs it.”

“The Commandos are dead, Maria. It’s been over seventy years.” Steve said sternly, his expression flat.

“She’s with Dernier’s granddaughter, then. Their families are still alive. And they know that they are alive, that they exist, because you and Peggy Carter saved them. If her niece needs sanctuary because she saved you, they’re willing to step up.” And it was quite an impressive list of volunteers. Between all of that and the relative short term memory of politicians, Sharon would be safe. “As for Lang and Barton, if they both sign the Accords, and retire immediately, the Stark lawyers are prepared to argue unlawful imprisonment. They'd win, too. Both of them would get monetary compensation. The Raft is a horrible place."

"You know from personal experience?" Steve's voice was shrewd and he caught her gaze. Maria stared back at him and didn't flinch. Steve's disappointment was hard to bear, but the alternative to the Raft would have weighed even more heavily on her soul.

"I spent some time there after it was built. It was meant for people like Loki and von Strucker. Not your team. We've been dealing with powered people longer than you've been out of the ice. It's just that after New York, people are willing to believe the truth, instead of the cover stories we used to feed them. As you can see, that's had positive and negative side effects."

"I've noticed." Steve leaned forward when she brought the coffee over. "I don't understand why you thought a floating prison was the best way to do it."

"It seemed better than executing them, which was what everyone else wanted." Maria said flatly. "Locking them up was something I could live with. Fury agreed." She rubbed at her forehead, frowning at the counter. Pierce had advocated shooting them on sight. That should have been their first clue that he wasn't what he said. Or the last clue. "It doesn't get used as often as it used to. More people are using their talents to help instead of hurt. That's because of the Avengers."

"Maria."

"Look, the two of them have enough goodwill to get the public on their side. If they want to use it." She ignored the look he gave her, sipping at her coffee. "You have even more. People still believe in Captain America. But they're not sure about Bucky or Wanda, and... You're not about to leave them here on their own. And Sam’s not the type of guy to leave you alone, either."

"You guessed right." Steve nodded firmly, bracing himself like he expected her to argue. So she didn't.

"The books that Zemo discovered are actually helpful to us. He unearthed records of what they did to Bucky. It's proof of seventy years of brainwashing and torture as a prisoner of war. With enough time, the court will pardon him for that. His name has already been cleared in the UN bombing, thanks to Agent Carter. So it's just the airport and Siberia. That has to be hashed out between you and Tony." Maria was sure Tony would forgive her for changing her mind eventually -- if she had to talk to Steve, he did too."

"Remind me, since when do you call him Tony?"

"That again? Thin ice, Steve. And I’ve called him that since he and Pepper broke up." Maria shrugged. "I call you Steve. Never heard any complaints about that."

"You only called me by my first name after we started sleeping together." Steve raised an eyebrow at her. "You rarely call people by their first name unless they're in danger."

"I'm trying something new." Maria shrugged. "It's a work in progress." 

* * *

_"Hey," Maria called, letting herself into Steve's apartment. He was sitting on the couch and bent over a sketchbook, so Maria dropped her bag at the other end of the couch and left him to it. She wandered into Steve’s kitchen, coming back with two bottles of Sprite. "You should really get some alcohol over here; just because you can't get drunk doesn't mean you can't enjoy the taste."_

_Steve looked up, his eyes crinkling when he smiled. "You could always bring some with you," he offered, looking down at the sketch he was working on, putting it aside. "There's lots of room in the fridge for it."_

_"I'll keep that in mind," Maria agreed quietly, her smile widening when he looked back at her. She reached out and rescued his remote from the coffee table, switching the television on and flipping to the baseball game. “Because it’s really not the same as watching a game with a cold beer,” she told him, tucking her feet under her._

_“At least I watch teams that actually win,” Steve teased her, smirking. “The last time the Cubs won, I wasn’t even born yet.”_

_“You shut your Dodger loving mouth or my popcorn and I are outta here, Rogers.” Maria huffed, pulling a bag of fresh popcorn out of her bag and holding it out to him._

_“Explain to me why you have stadium popcorn and yet you are not actually at the Mets game watching it live,” Steve said, laughing at her. He took a handful of popcorn, raising an eyebrow at Maria and waiting for her to speak._

_“I don’t like people.”_

_“You like me.”_

_“You’re different.”_

* * *

They never got around to making anything official. Maria caught herself hesitating, the words halfway out of her mouth, and she knew Steve was doing the same thing. What they had worked for them, she told herself, over and over again. She and Steve were rarely even in the same city for more than a day, and with all the traveling and distance between them, it didn't make sense to have anything more than the casual relationship they had now. Even the first time she’d thought it to herself, Maria knew she was lying to herself. Oh, she might have told Steve that it was fine if they saw other people as long as condoms were always used, but the truth was that after a while, the thought of seeing anyone else made her stomach clench. Maria excused it away as a busy schedule, told herself the only reason she was even seeing Steve was because they were in the same building.

The closest she'd ever come to deciding to do something about their relationship was the night Ultron had come to life. Wearing Steve's jacket at the party was a declaration. Oh, she’d borrowed a sweatshirt or tshirt before, but only ever in the confines of one of their apartments. Never in public. The jacket was supposed to be a sign, hopefully in neon lights: This one is mine. Unfortunately killer robots tended to take centre stage, and aside from a few pointed barbs from Natasha and Clint, it had been mostly forgotten in the melee that followed. Or at least that was what she’d thought until Tony asked her about Steve this morning. Was that why he’d been so surprised that she agreed with the Accords, or at least the idea of them? He’d expected her to side with the man she was sleeping with.

“So, how did your chat with Steve go?”

Maria rolled her eyes and looked over at the front door, watching Bucky slip into her apartment. At least he'd waited until she was here to break in this time. That was some kind of progress. She watched him out of the corner of her eye as he moved towards the kitchen, concentrating on the reports she was supposed to be reading. “This Cyrano shit is getting really old, Barnes. And keep out of my fridge, that’s my food.”

“Cyrano?”

“De Bergerac. It’s a play, go look it up.” Maria looked up and scowled, catching Bucky with an apple in his hand. “Don’t they feed you here?”

“Your stuff tastes better,” he told her, biting into it.

“It’s because you’re stealing it.” Maria paused, giving him a moment to speak. When he didn’t, she frowned, her lips thinning. “I still don’t understand why you’re here --- I talked to Steve. What more could you possibly want?”

“Lots of things,” Bucky said seriously. "But I'm settling for the fact that at least I’m not brainwashed anymore.”

“An excellent silver lining,” Maria noted sarcastically.

"I'd prefer it if you stayed longer," he said suddenly. "It would make me feel better."

"About what?"

"If I lose it again, I'll know that there would be someone here who would kill me."

"Excuse me?" Maria demanded, spinning around to stare at him. "What did you just say?"

"If someone else knows those code words, Steve isn't going to do it. He's going to try and get me back." Bucky raised an eyebrow at her. "It's why the guy is Captain America. But you --- you'd judge the risk to everyone else and save the maximum number of lives."

"So you... want me to stay so I can kill you if I need to?" Maria scoffed. "Considering what happened the last time someone tried to do that, I don't think it would end in my favour."

"I think Steve is too compromised by you to react that quickly. And I think you can handle killing a friend of someone you care about."

"You seem to think that I am that cold." Maria crossed her arms, sitting back and watching Bucky.

"I think you can live with that decision. There's a difference." Bucky rolled his shoulders, shrugging carelessly. "Seems to me I got an extra seventy years I shouldn't have. Might be okay if I just didn't--- "

"You need a therapist." Maria interrupted bluntly. "And you're not allowed to ask me that."

"Why not? I've seen your records."

Goddamn that file dump onto the internet. Maria straightened up. "You want an assassin, you already know where to find one."

* * *

_"How do you deal with them, Pepper?" Maria asked, taking the glass of wine the other woman was offering her._

_"That depends on which them you mean, Maria." Pepper sat down on the other end of the couch, crossing her legs and smiling faintly. "The businessmen? I'm smarter than they are, and they all know it. I just don't let them forget it when they try and get ahead of themselves. The superheroes? Trial and error. Still figuring that one out."_

_"Yeah." Maria sighed. "It was easier when I had an agency to use to boss them around."_

_"Is this about Tony or Steve?" Pepper asked softly._

_"You mean is it business or pleasure?" Maria clarified, giving her a knowing look. "Both, I guess. Tony's retired but he keeps butting in, and Steve doesn't know whether to like it or not. This was easier when you two were--- "_

_"Only on everyone else." Pepper said wryly, sipping at her wine. "I can still corral him, if you want."_

_"No. That's not fair to either of you." Maria shook her head. "But I appreciate the offer. Being with him was hard enough on you. I can't ask you to ride herd on him every time he gets a little out line. I managed an agency; I'll manage Tony too."_

_"Being with any superhero is hard." Pepper shrugged, turning her glass in her hands and keeping her gaze focused on Maria. "But it's deciding if it's worth it in the long run that's the hardest part. Whether you can compromise your life to make room for him and still have the kind of life you've fought for, or if you just become a pretty bauble attached to their name."_

_"I feel like we're having two different conversations," Maria said softly, her grip tightening on the stem of the glass._

_"That tends to happen." Pepper grinned suddenly, reaching for the wine bottle and offering it to Maria. "But enough about the men that make our lives difficult."_

* * *

On bad days, when Maria's work is watching a group of civilians die and SHIELD agents she trusted are turning out to be HYDRA, she wondered if Steve wasn't only interested in her because she reminded him of Peggy. There were a lot of parallels between herself and Peggy, and Maria tried not to remind herself of them. There were a lot of differences as well, and she was her own woman. And Steve was a smart man; if there really was a possibility for them, then it was because of something Maria is, something that she's done, and not because of something that she isn't. She held onto that thought even now, long after they'd stopped seeing each other.

"So, how did your first meeting with the secret Avengers go?"

Maria startled, blinking up at Tony. She hadn't realized she was so deep in thought that Tony would be able to sneak up on her. "Fine, I think. Steve's agreed to talk to you about the airport and Siberia and how to get the others back home, if they want to go." She paused. "I think it would just be Lang and Barton, though. Wanda was tortured, Steve won't leave her or Barnes, Wilson won't leave Steve, and --- well, T'Challa lives here." She tried to smile.

"No one died. We'll call that a success." Tony offered her an orange, claiming the chair beside her. "They have the best fruit here, have you noticed?"

"I'm proud you're not about to get scurvy, Tony." Maria's voice was dry. "So are you going to actually talk to Steve, or do I have to do that too?"

"I'll take one for the team this time." Tony stood up, clapping a hand on her shoulder. "But I can't promise anything."

"Don't destroy the palace, boss!" She called after him, smirking.

"Oh!" Tony turned around, tossing a box at her. "That's for Barnes, next time you see him."

Maria caught it, giving him a dirty look and opening it, checking inside. She pulled the glasses inside out and held them up, peering through them without putting them on. She wouldn't put it past Tony to give someone spy glasses, but her view didn't change at all. "Glasses? Why are you giving these to Barnes?"

"Therapy." Tony threw her a sardonic salute, turning back around. "It's another olive branch. For when I inevitably insult the good Captain's sense of diplomacy."

"Apologies aren't good apologies when you make them in advance and still do the thing you're apologizing for."

"They're the only kind I know how to make." Tony called over his shoulder, disappearing back into the maze of hallways.

Maria sighed, tilting her head back and staring up at the ceiling. She was betting that one of them would be screaming within half an hour, and then she'd have to go and play referee. Not her favourite role to play. "You could have Phil's job right now," she reminded herself, taking a deep breath. "That's an even bigger mess." She stood up and ran a hand through her hair. "At least there's good coffee around here."

* * *

"You and Tony had a successful meeting, I heard," Maria said, pushing off the wall as Steve walked by her. He looked over, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

"Managed to track me down, I see." He said, amused. "Even in this maze of a place."

"I had a little help from your eyes in the sky." Maria inclined her head. "I wanted to be close in case blows were exchanged, and I ran into Sam. He pointed me in the right direction and promised to get in the middle of you two if it was needed." Maria's lips twitched. "I told him I was putting twenty on him to take everyone down."

"That's mean." Steve laughed, shaking his head at her.

"It made him happy." Maria protested, smiling at him. "And it would have given him a boost if he had had to run in there. He didn't, right?"

"No fighting," Steve promised, nodding. "Some disagreements, but we're getting there. We'll have a plan in place by the end of the week."

"Excellent, so I don't have to be the go between anymore." Maria took a deep breath, trying to figure out how she felt about that. It meant she could avoid Steve for the rest of the trip, and given that they weren't involved, seeing him was sort of like shoving a knife between her ribs and trying to breathe. But not seeing Steve was just as bad. This must be what Pepper meant, when she'd talked about trying to decide if compromising was worth it.

"Does that mean that I'm not going to see you anymore?" Steve's smile faded, disappointment blooming on his face.

"Well, we're leaving in a few days." Maria shrugged, trying to avoid looking at him too closely. "Hard to see you when we've got an ocean and few dozen countries between us."

"But not impossible," Steve argued, taking a step closer to her.

Maria raised her chin, meeting Steve's eyes. "Any communications will be monitored, now that Tony hung up on Ross. He's pissed. Even if I encrypt it, he'll notice there's something that can't be traced. I'll be put under a microscope. We all will."

"I sent you a burner. I wanted to talk to you." Steve's eyes darkened, and Maria bit her lip, her heart skipping a beat.

"Okay, let's say I do call you, encrypt it, use the burner," she reasoned, raising an eyebrow at him. "It wouldn't be often. Or for very long. We'd talk for maybe five minutes every few months. Do you really want to do that? Would you be happy with a relationship like that?"

"That depends on whether or not it would be a relationship." Steve said earnestly, starting to smile again.

Maria gaped at him. "If I tell you we're together, you'd be okay with five minutes two or three times a year, _maybe_ with me coming to Wakanda, _if_ I can come up with a good reason, until this gets figured out."

"A little bit of you is better than nothing, Maria." Steve murmured, curving his hand around her jaw.

"That's not an easy relationship you're proposing," she whispered back, her eyes dropping to his mouth before she looked back at him.

"But it would be with you. That's enough."

Maria shook her head, taking a step back. "Have you ever heard the joke about Captain America going on the run?"

"No." Steve frowned, crossing his arms over his chest. "What does some bad joke have to do with anything, Maria?"

"It's not a joke because it isn't funny," Maria replied, meeting his stare. "And neither is this. This is cruel, Steve."

"I'm serious about this, Maria. It's not a joke to me," Steve promised, watching her.

Maria considered it, taking a deep breath. "You'd get lonely. We wouldn't be able to talk whenever we wanted --- it would have to be planned, and if a mission came up, we might not be able to reschedule."

"But we'd be together."

"As together as we could be when one of us is on the run from a hundred governments." Maria agreed, her eyes softening. "It wouldn't be much."

"We'll figure it out, Maria."

"Okay, Steve. I'll call you."


End file.
